


(Un)Healthy Coping Mechanisms

by Dyplopia



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Co-Dependency, Coping, Depersonalization, Depression, Derealization, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship to Love, Guilt, Himiko will be done with their shit I swear, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of self-harm, Multi, Post-Canon, Post-New Dangan Ronpa V3, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slice of Life, Smoking, Smut, Speech Disorders, Survivor Guilt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, getting better, sex as a coping mechanism, smut in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-01-31 15:48:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18594448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyplopia/pseuds/Dyplopia
Summary: It's hard to recover from a killing game where you saw the people most dear to you die before your very eyes. But they're trying to get better, and they hope it will work.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I... Don't really know where I'm going with this. I wanted to try and write more of it before posting a first part, but it's been more than one year since I began this project, so I might as well try!! It's the first time I write on themes that are this heavy, and I hope that I won't mess anything up. It's very excruciating and cathartic at the same time to write this fic, it contains a lot of vent. Well, I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless, and sory in advance if there are any big mistakes, English is not my first language.

The sound of skin slapping on skin echoed in the room as well as heavy panting. They didn’t have much time left, Himiko would be back any minute, and they didn’t really want to be caught in that position, Shuichi hovering above Maki, his hips thrusting into her at a quick pace.   
  
    After a few more thrusts, Shuichi came undone, a strangled moan coming out of his mouth. He let himself fall on his side, burying his head in Maki’s shoulders. She didn’t come. She rarely did. He always felt guilty of that, but she always brushed it off with a faint smile, kissing his forehead, like she did with the kids in the fake memories Tsumugi gave her.  
  
“We should dress.“  
  
    She got up and fetched her clothes, dressed and got out of the room. It wasn’t that she was mad, Shuichi knew that. But she got overly emotional every time they had sex. She got away before she could show him her weaker side.   
  
    Shuichi sat on his bed. This was his room, so he had no worries that a girl would come unannounced. They usually left him with his privacy, and the stench of cigarette ashes and smoke did make Himiko’s face scrunch up every time she came, so the mage even avoided that room. Maki came more often, as ironic as it sounded, always when the small girl was out. It wasn’t that she would disapprove of their relationship, she actually knew about it, but they had the decency to keep her ears far from their noises, especially in this apartment in which the walls were as thin as cardboard.  
  
    When he finally came out of his room, Maki and Himiko were sitting in the living room, watching TV, and more specifically watching a rerun of the 53rd edition of Danganronpa. He sat with them. It was always weird watching themselves solve murder after murder, those that saw their friends being victims as much as culprits. They were on the third case, Himiko sobbing silently, Maki’s arms tightly wrapped around her shoulders.   
  
    Anybody would have thought that their personalities would have clashed too much and that they wouldn’t be able to live together. But after everything they went through together, they felt like they needed to be reunited, just the three of them, in that apartment that the Danganronpa staff gave them. It was nothing much, but they didn’t have to pay any rent for it and groceries were taken care of for them. It was a courtesy that was given to all Danganronpa survivors, were they not to participate in the game again. And even if the show came to an end with the 53rd season, the staff still managed, in a last effort, to put the survivors in a comfortable enough position.   
  
    Shuichi began to rub Himiko’s back. They just saw Tenko’s death and the small girl began to cry even more violently than she did before. He didn’t really know why they kept on watching Danganronpa while knowing it still made them cry and have nightmares every night. Maybe they wanted to keep it engraved in their minds that their former selves made terrible choices and that nothing would have happened if they hadn’t signed up for it. He grabbed one of the many tissue boxes they kept in the living room. It was always practical with all the panic attacks they had and all the crying they did. A chuckle almost escaped Shuichi’s throat but he stifled it. Their former selves were dumb to think that they could kill, or watch people be murdered, and get away from it without a single trauma.   
  
    There was a huge difference between watching it through a TV screen and actually witnessing it in real life. With a TV, you couldn’t see all the details of the blood actually gushing from someone’s body, you couldn’t have the smell of it or that of a body being scorched. You couldn’t truly see the terror in the eyes of someone that was about to get executed. You couldn’t hear the quiet ‘thank you’ of the one you led to death but was still grateful because you were potentially saving their friends’ lives. Shuichi’s heart clenched at this thought.   
  
    There were a few deaths that were more painful than others to remember. For Maki, it was Kaito, for Himiko, Tenko and Angie and as for Shuichi… It was as if every single death was as meaningful to him, because with each person murdered or executed, he felt like he was betraying Kaede and the promise he made to her before her death.   
  
    Feeling a sort of dread crawling on his skin, Shuichi got up to go next to the window, opening it and taking a cigarette out of the packet he always had in his pocket. He lit it with shaky hands. He began smoking because he felt it was one of the only things that could keep his anxiety and guilt at bay. And also because he felt like his body was slowly rotting and decaying. He thought it was all he deserved after letting almost all of his friends die. When his cigarette finally was nothing more than ashes and a burnt butt, he squashed it against his arm, reveling in the slight burning sensation and adding yet another scar on his already mutilated arm. It felt good, even though Himiko and Maki never failed to scold him whenever they saw a fresh burn. But it was so hypocritical… He knew the assassin’s body well, and he could see the cuts added on her thighs, stomach and arms each time they fucked. She always wore thick tights and long sleeves nowadays, covering up the shame of harming her body. Shuichi wouldn’t say he didn’t care, but none of them was in a good enough state of mind to keep any of the others from harming themselves.   
  
    They all had tried going to therapists. Himiko was the only one that was still going. The only one of them strong enough to want to get better.   
  
    Maki glared at him when he turned to them again, clearly scolding him with her gaze for the way he harmed himself just a minute ago. His lips formed a thin line. He didn’t even have the strength to be sorry about it anymore.   
  
    The assassin had turned the TV off. Himiko had passed out. Again. It happened often. Whenever she was too anxious. Every other day they could find her passed out on the floor. At first, the little mage had blamed it on the fact that she was a really sleepy person and that since Danganronpa, she was even more tired than usual. But after a few appointments with her therapist, it had been obvious that it was just a consequence of all her psychological fatigue. Maki cradled the young girl in her arms, carrying her towards her room so she could lay on her bed instead of the floor.   
  
    When she came back, Shuichi was sitting on the floor, staring into the void, his eyes totally unfocused. The girl came and hugged his back.   
  
    Silence was a common thing between them, almost as if they were afraid to talk too much. But whenever he was in this particular state, this silence became oppressing. She could feel a lump forming in her throat. She wanted him to get better more than getting better herself, as if her happiness depended on his own. It was hard sometimes. She just wanted to scream at him to get better already. But she knew that it didn’t work like that. Healing took time, for some more than others. And Shuichi, just like her, lived through the death of people he fell in love with.   
  
    When they fucked, each time, Maki felt guilty for thinking about another man. She imagined Kaito above her, his muscles glistening with sweat, his violet eyes peering into hers, a grin on his lips, the one he gave every time he was proud of himself. She wondered if Shuichi did the same, if he sometimes imagined Kaede or Kokichi instead of her.   
  
    She kissed the back of his neck, in an attempt to soothe him and get him to ‘come back’. He dissociated more and more often. It was his own way of protecting himself from the outside world, the horrors he witnessed. He let himself drift in a sort of void, that’s how he explained it. He said he felt safe, she knew he didn’t.   
  
    “Everything is going to be alright…“ she said. And she knew she was lying. She didn’t know if they would ever get better.   
  
    Shuichi slowly nodded, apparently taking on her lie. He knew it was one, but he wanted to believe it so bad. Their lives were ruined beyond repair, they all felt like they weren’t even worthy of surviving and having a chance to live after what happened during Danganronpa. But they felt like they had to live for them. They were doomed with the curse of life.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
“Nyeh! Wake up you sleepyhead!“  
  
    Shuichi was woken by Himiko knocking on his bedroom’s door. With a grunt, he sat on the bed, looking at his alarm clock to see what time it was.   
  
    3 PM.  
  
    He sighed. He hated getting up this late, and it happened too often for his taste. He got up and went out of his room, met by a disgruntled Himiko. She had her arms crossed on her chest, her brow furrowed. He simply pat her on the head as an apology.   
  
    For someone as sleepy and lazy as her, she did her best to keep him and Maki as active and healthy as possible. She became their rock, sort of. He felt that if she hadn’t been there for them, they would have been in a far worse state than the one that they were already in.   
  
    He noticed that Himiko was wearing an apron — purple with stars and glitter, a gift Maki and him got her for her last birthday — and was holding a spatula. She had taken to cooking and baking, she said it was for finding new ways to restore her mana. It was mostly a way to distract her mind. She started off as a mediocre cook but she was getting better. And currently, the scent of pancakes filled the apartment. Shuichi’s stomach began to growl. Himiko led him immediately to the kitchen. It was small but they still managed to fit the three of them at the small table.   
  
    Maki was brewing coffee, putting sugar and milk in a cup and giving it to the detective with a smile. She looked tired, but surprisingly less than usual. Shuichi took the cup and sat at the table. Himiko brought the pancakes she made with a proud grin. This atmosphere… It almost felt like they were functional human beings with no problems. It was rare, and so they always made sure to make the best out of it.   
  
    Maple syrup and butter were put on the pancakes and none remained on the plate in the end. They were fluffy and full of flavor, they tasted like happiness.


	2. Chapter 2 *NSFW*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING THIS CHAPTER IS ONLY SMUT! Like. 4 pages and a half.... of Shuichi and Maki banging.... it doesn’t really have plot so if you wanna skip it it’s okay!

Shuichi slammed Maki’s body against the wall of the hallway. They were on their own, Himiko left a few minutes ago to go to her therapist. They were alone for at least two hours. He was nipping hungrily at her bottom lip, his hands roaming on her body. She was gasping, clutching at his shirt, her legs circling his waist while he was thrusting slowly. She felt his erection through their clothes and it didn’t help her own wetness.

 

“Bedroom…“ she managed to say. And he immediately took her in his arms, throwing her on his bed once they entered his room. He immediately found his way above her. His lips found her neck, leaving a trail of kisses before biting hard at the junction with her shoulder. She hissed out of pain but still shivered, pleasure coursing through her body.

 

She loved having him above her like that, he seemed bigger than he really was, more dominant, more assertive. More like Kaito. She bit her lip to refrain herself from thinking too much about the Astronaut. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and retaliated, nipping on the sensitive skin. He gruntled and went to grip her hips, grounding his groin against hers to make her feel all the effects she had on him.

 

Maki sneaked her hands under his shirt, reveling in the feeling of his warm skin under her fingers. She lightly grazed his stomach with her nails, making him shiver and release a light moan. Shuichi straightened up a bit, peering into her eyes before diving down to her belly, slowly inching up, moving the fabric of her shirt at the same time. Her skin was cold, always, it seemed that it was only when they hooked up that she warmed up, if only a little.

 

Once the shirt was removed, he was met by the sight of her bare breasts, nipples already stiff thanks to the pleasure coursing through her body. His mouth watered at this sight and he lost no time, latching onto one of the rosy buds, grazing it with his teeth before sucking lightly. Maki’s fingers lost themselves in the boy’s hair, hugging his head closer to her chest, wanting him to  _ keep going _ , make her moan more, make her feel  _ alive _ . Shuichi was more than happy to deliver, only pulling away to pay attention to her other nipple. One of his hands got lower until he found her crotch. He could feel a dampness even through the fabric of both her shorts and panties, and this only spurred him on further, made him want her even more if that was even possible…

 

“You okay?“ He couldn’t help but ask. It was just how he was, he was always afraid of taking things too far, that she might not say if she wanted to stop. He was afraid of hurting her more that she had already been.

 

“Yes… yes… You’re making me feel so good Shuu…“

 

She had started giving him this nickname once they had started becoming more intimate. She had never used it in front of Himiko, not even a slip. She was good at keeping this side of themselves private while sometimes Shuichi held her in his arms one second too long and she glared at him, making him understand that it was inappropriate. Their relationship wasn’t a secret. But sometimes, he felt as if she was… ashamed of it?… That’s why he always made sure to ask if she was okay. Before he was scared she might regret what they were sharing together.

 

He pulled away again, straightening his body to be able to remove his own shirt. Maki’s hands came to explore his chest. He had grown a bit of muscle. He had kept the habit of working out. She suspected it was to try and revive the memories with Kaito training him. She had stopped doing it altogether when they got out, though. While Shuichi felt the need to keep these memories, she just wanted to part with them. She wanted to forget this man, the only man she had had feelings for, this man she was forced to love through these factice identities and memories they had been given. She was merely a puppet. She knew they had no chance to get their old memories back. They were forced to live on with these Ultimate personas. Even though Danganronpa had ended, they would forever be trapped in it.

 

Shuichi sensed the turmoil in Maki’s mind and leaned down to kiss her lips as softly as possible, as if to say ‘You’re safe with me.’ She put her hands on his jaw, slowly grazing his skin with her nails. He had a bit of a stubble, not having had the motivation to shave for a couple days. But she liked it. It made him appear and feel more masculine. Again, she felt a pang of guilt tug at her heart. She knew exactly why she liked that, because of  _ whom _ . She chose to nip on his lower lip to help and get her mind to shut up for once. After all, that was the main purpose of their hookups. Get their minds elsewhere.

 

“Can I get these off of you?“ he asked at some point, tugging at the waistband of her shorts.

 

She nodded and gave him a soft smile, already eager to be naked and at his mercy. He did wonders to make her forget even her own  _ name _ . He slipped the piece of fabric down her legs and his eyes darkened with desire once he saw the damp spot on her panties.

 

“Someone’s eager I see…“

 

A shiver went down her spine as he used this tone that she never grew tired of, this one that made her insides burn with desire. And she let out a quiet moan, her mouth gaping as he brushed his fingers against her clothed core. The first times had been awkward, neither of them having much experience with such acts of intimacy, but now a few months in, he knew just how to make her writhe with pleasure.

 

“You’re so beautiful…“ he said before leaning and kissing her forehead.

 

And she couldn’t help but let a tender smile form on her lips.

 

“Says you…“ she retorted, a hint of smugness in her voice as she slipped her hands under Shuichi’s pants, squeezing his butt playfully before slipping the garment off of him.

 

His briefs perfectly hugged the outline of his cock. She hadn’t even touched it yet, but she could already feel the hardness and warmth of it from memory and the sight of the small wet spot on the fabric almost made her mouth water.

 

“Like what you see?“ he asked playfully, as if he had heard what she had thought.

 

“Very,  _ very _ much…“ she murmured, letting her fingers brush against his shaft.

 

She didn’t miss his shiver and his eyes closing under the pleasure she gave him only with this slight touch. It always amazed her how even her lightest touches could make him react this much. It made her feel a new kind of powerful each time. 

 

She decided she had had enough of waiting and robbed him of his last piece of clothing. Shuichi blushed deeply, his cock now standing proud in front of her, precum making its head shine in the soft light of the bedside lamp. She licked her lips and decided it was time for them to switch positions. 

 

She made him lay against his own mattress, kissing his chest while one of her hands began to play with his shaft, pumping at the slowest pace she could manage. A broken moan left the Detective’s lips. She knew how to push his buttons. He tried to get his hands on her again, but she pinned them down with her free hand, giving him a playful gaze. 

 

“Who’s eager now?” she teased, hovering above him, her nipples grazing his pecs. 

 

He gulped audibly but smiled. He loved it when she used her strength on him… Even if it was actually rare that she did. As weird as it may sound, Maki Harukawa was actually a very submissive girl. But then again, there were times when she surprised him, and even herself, times when she had an aura of pure dominance that made Shuichi  _ weak _ and yearning for her to lash out her desires and fantasies on him. 

 

She kissed his neck and sucked the skin on some spots, leaving huge red marks. And she couldn’t wait for them to become purple and blue, like miniature galaxies that would decorate the soft boy. 

 

Shuichi couldn’t stop the flow of moans that left his lips. He felt overwhelmed with the slight pain from the biting and the warmth he felt from both her and his own body. She rubbed her thumb against the slit of his glans, spreading the liquid that came out of it. Her motions were now easier, her fingers sliding easily around his girth. And his moans became even louder from this delightful friction. 

 

His hips were bucking against her hand, trying to get more.He  _ needed _ more. He could almost feel his mind slipping from his body, and that was  _ exactly _ what he wanted. The sound of his shifting and his broken moans echoed through the room. It only spurred Maki on further. She wanted to see him  _ writhe _ even more under her touch. He was most beautiful when he was this enraptured… And since he was this beautiful, she decided to reward him, lowering her face so that it was next to his crotch. She anchored her eyes in his and with a sultry look she licked the entire length of his shaft. 

 

Shuichi shut his eyes tight and bit his lip hard, almost to the point of drawing blood. And his lips suddenly parted, a moan escaping them when he felt his member slowly sliding into his lover’s mouth, the warmth engulfing him delightfully. 

 

Maki felt a sense of power, of  _ control _ coursing through her. Shuichi was at her mercy, he was like putty under her tongue. She loved feeling the beads of precum rolling on her tongue as she sucked on his shaft, eliciting sweet moans from him. But she had had enough. She wanted to get some pleasure of her own. 

 

She stopped sucking him, not without having licked the head of his shaft one last time, and then she climbed on top of him. She leaned to rummage through the drawer of the bedside table, fetching a condom there. She opened the little packet with expert ease and slid the rubber on the boy’s cock. And then, she moved her panties to the side, exposing the glistening lips of her pussy to his eyes. She smiled down to him before sliding herself onto him.

 

Once he was fully sheathed in her, she let her head hang, reveling in the feeling of being so  _ full _ with him. He stretched her so well… She loved it so much… Without much hesitation, she started rolling her hips and let out a loud moan. He truly brushed against all her good spots. It was almost too good to be true… 

 

Shuichi wasn’t in a much better state, his hands clutching Maki’s hips, guiding her on his cock. And he sometimes let his hips buck, meeting the girl’s hips. 

 

It was fast, it was wild, but at the same time, there was a sense of tenderness. The care they had for each perspired in their movements, in the soft way Shuichi’s thumb sometimes brushed against Maki’s skin, the way she would sometimes bring his hands to her lips to lay a kiss on it. 

 

They showed each other that they weren’t alone, that even if they had lived through the worst, they were allowed to feel pleasure, to feel safe.

 

Maki was feeling so good she left her mind drift away. She imagined big strong calloused hands roaming on her body, groping her mounds, grazing her waist with their thumbs, slowly making their way downwards to grab her hips and guide her thrusts. The pleasure was overwhelming. She felt waves of heat coursing through her body, coming from her core, the feeling stretching to the tips of her toes, the tips of her fingers. 

 

She was letting out cries of pleasure, high-pitched, loud, her head thrown back, her mouth opened which let her beautiful sounds of pleasure echo in the room. Shuichi was in a very similar state, clinging to her sweaty skin as if his life depended on it. 

 

Their encounters were rarely this heated. But today, Maki felt as if she were on fire. She opened her eyes and lowered her head to look at her lover. And instead of the skinny detective, she saw a muscular man, with purple hair and a wide grin. Her eyes watered and she replied to the grin. Slowly, she let a hand make its way to her clit and began stroking it in time with her thrusts. 

 

For once, the pleasure didn’t stop growing in Maki. Her whole body was tingling, her back arching, her toes curling, her free hand gripping the man underneath her with so much force it would certainly leave a bruise on his skin. 

 

“It feels so good… I’m coming… I’m coming! Kaito!”

 

It was weird because she didn’t come often, and what was weirder was that it had never happened with such force. She now moved limply, hoping to get him to orgasm too.    
  


But he never got to it. She felt the boy’s hands stop her hips. And then it hit her. The furrowed brows, the blue eyes that bore into her, showing a mix of worry, grief, frustration and betrayal. 

 

She was still in a haze, guilt beginning to creep on her. Soon she was on the bed, far from the warmth of her partner. He brought the covers up to her chin so that she wouldn’t be cold. She saw him removing the condom. It was empty and his shaft was limp. She saw how he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his shoulders hunched. 

 

He got up, grabbing clothes to put on his body before going towards the door. 

 

“You can stay in my room… I’m sorry I… I need some time alone…” 

 

The door shut with a soft sound. And Maki felt an emptiness in her stomach. What… What had she just done?... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so, so sorry to get this chapter up 7 months after the first.... I’m really bad at committing to only one project and it ends in me procrastinating. A lot. I still hope you enjoyed this shameless smut! I promise next chapter will bring plot!
> 
> ALSO!! If you notice any grammatical mistakes don’t be afraid to point them out, it’ll only help me improve!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I,,, want to take this towards a happy ending. I doubt it will be very long, but I might take some time before I post it. I'm a slow writer, and there were times when writing only a sentence had taken me weeks for this fic. I hope you enjoyed it!! Next chapter there will be some heavy angsty smut :'D (please excuse me aaaaaaa)


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